I am okay.

I feel like everyone gives me less credit than I deserve. I can pretend like everything is alright, all the time. I’ve told people that I am happy, and it’s partially true. I’m not not happy. Nor am I totally happy. Life has just taken so many unexpected turns. The fact is this, folks: I deserve better. Believe me, I know. I know that I don’t deserve to be treated like shit. I know that I deserve to be someone’s one and only. I know that I deserve everything. I know. But do any of you know how much I have gone through? How much I have suffered through, just to keep admitting “well, I may be alone. I may be lonely. But I. Deserve. Better.” I just want to go out and scream at the top of my lungs. Life isn’t perfect. And people are just as imperfect. I know who I am. I know I’m great with kids, I’m kind, I’m caring, I’m fun. I also know I am impatient, selfish at times, care too much, overreactive, and don’t have the best body. I know who I am. And I accept who I am. I even love who I am. And I’m sick and tired of going around and around saying to everybody else “love who you are. He’ll be here. He’s coming. Somebody will love you for you.” It’s bullshit. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of spewing out shit I don’t believe in anymore. If I can’t even start a relationship with a dumbass asshole who is semiattractive, a jerk, a horrible friend, younger than I am, and just plain rude: then how the hell am I going to be able to last with someone who is great? That being said: (to all you lovely folks reading this) I. AM. DONE. WITH. HIM. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to hear your great friends leave out information, tell me that his new girlfriend is alright but not as good as me. I just don’t care anymore. I want to be alone. Because after all, we all have the exact life we want.